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Friday, 17 May 2013

A Week In The Life


Setting off from his homeland in the hours before the dawning of the day, he headed north to where the men of the black gold lived, where he would take his first charge of the coming cycles of the moon. His armada plundered the battlefield laying waste to those who sttod before them and returned victorious. A short but glorious victory, but only the first challenge our adventurer would face this day. Wrapping his fleece lined clothing around him, he mounted his steed and returned to the Land of Blair and began to sharpen the blades for his next challenge this day.

So, following a good kip, our fearful wanderer struck out on the road again, off to the little town of Bo'ness, just outside Edinburgh, where he would be chained to a chair from 0230am until such time as the minions completed the task and all files were received by The Master of The Known Crapiverse.  Finally, he departed and ventured to the home of she who bore him into this world, where he will break bread, fall into bed, and arise in the early hours for another leg on his fantasmagorical journey of the week. This time, to the seedy metropolis of Glasgow.

Rested he rose, and ventured out in the grey early dawn of the urban jungle and headed West, to the dirt strewn metropolis, halting his trusty steed at the appointed place. His day began with a flourish and the gods appeared to be with him, this would be a good day. Then....

The evil gremlins of the mechanised world conspired to betray our fearless traveller and his companion, wrecking one sub-system after another as the creaking World of Access crumbled. Ruined, this short delivery became another day of fighting evil at every turn until that moment when he could finally rest his head (in the car park at Stirling Services), before finally ending his day in the Land of Blair

And now the night ahead looms with preparation and a short sojurn to the Land of Nod before heading to the strange land of the Fife, and then onwards once more.

He arose and his head ached, the world spun before him as his respite was short. The great god Java would have to be at the top of his game this night, dark and bitter as it was. And so he bowed before the steaming receptacle twice, as was his way, and his thirst was quenched. His head cleared.

And so begins another long night for our champion.

Taking to the highways from the Land of Blair, our warrior of the night set eyes upon the many rotting corpses of the fallen beasts on the track, whilst horned beasts stalked the woods. Winding his way to the village of the Cupar in the land of the Fife, our hero and his faithful companion Sue Baru steeled themselves for the battles of the night ahead. And on this dark night, the gods showered them with great fortune and the fight was quick and over without injury.

Breaking from his ritual, he sought out the red-headed female of his family, and supped the juice of Java in her company, before once more taking to the highways and byeways on his travels. Landing in the Kirk of the Fall (Falkirk) he sought out his bed, and ventured forth unto the hostelry where he dined on the staple diet of the men of Rome, before retiring to recharge his dwindling energy resources for another nights battle with the demons of Access.

Once more the gods of the chosen rained their fortune upon him. Once more the battle was short and the victory won with style. And so he ended his crusade and returned to the Land of Blair once more where the Hounds from Hell welcomed him with razor teeth and howls of happiness.

Thus endeth the adventures of our hero for another turn of the moon.